Sometimes in families, it can feel as if everyone is speaking a completely different language — and actually, that’s not too far from the truth! We all have different ways in which we process information and different ways in which we like to be acknowledged. Some of what I’m telling you here relates to your senses. By that I mean your 5 senses. In NLP we recognise that people often have a sensory preference, a way in which they like to receive information or to learn. I, for example, am a visual person. This means that in order for me to take information in, I have to see it. It’s no good telling me about something, or somewhere, or teaching me something by telling me about it. Only so much of that information will actually stick. Unless I can see a visual representation of it — a map or a picture, then it just won’t stick!

This is true of your children too. If you are communicating to them about something you want them to do, and you communicate it in your own preferred style, it may not match with their preferred style. So you can’t then be surprised if they don’t go ahead and do it. Likewise, teachers have this problem. They are more aware these days of teaching in a variety of different learning styles, but that doesn’t stop them from having their own preference that they are more likely to slip into, and utilise when they get into the flow of the content that they are teaching. Again this can be problematic, because only a small proportion of the class may share the sensory preference that they have. So when it comes to communication problems in families, sensory preferences is something we made need to take into consideration. Just like learning another language, you may need to learn the language of others’ sensory presences so that you can communicate with them in a way that will make them more accepting of hearing your messages. But this in itself will not solve the variety of different communication problems that occur in families.

Sometimes there are issues around respect, voice tonality, and physiology that need to be addressed. Whilst these may be issues that need resolving in your child’s behaviour and communication style, there might also be some changes that you as a parent need to make. For example, if you communicate important messages to your child whilst you are sitting with your laptop in front of you reading your emails, the chances are they will receive the message that what you are saying isn’t all that important — after all if it were important enough, you would put your computer away, sit down with them and look them in the eye. Similarly, if you’re communicating that you want your child to do their homework, and you shout this message up the stairs, it is going to have a very different impact than if you go up the stairs and speak to them face to face.

Whilst some of what I share with you, during our sessions that take place at my office in Essex, may be practical techniques and tips, you will also find that there are aspects of communication that impact in such a profound way, they will serve you outside of the family home.

It’s highly likely that if your child learns to communicate better, they won’t just do so with you, but they will also have fewer traumas in their friendship relationships. When you as a parent learn to communicate better, not only will this improve your relationship with your child, but you will also find that your relationship with your partner improves too — thus creating a more harmonious family home for everyone to enjoy. In order to demonstrate love, we have to learn how to communicate with others. And a large proportion of our success in connection comes down to our ability to communicate well. To not just get our message across to the other person, but to do so in a way that fits in with who they are and how they think so that it can have the biggest possible impact for them.

If you would like to find out more about attending sessions to improve communication in your entire family then you can do so by visiting me for a free consultation session at my office in Essex. Once we have undertaken this, I will draft together some suggestions around the variety of different communication skills techniques that I think would be valuable for you to learn and employ. We take each session on a session by session basis, meaning that you are not obligated to attend for any particular length of time, but instead you will have time to put the skills into action and notice the improvements as they begin to happen. I work in and around the areas of Basildon, Billericay, Wickford, Southend on Sea, Chelmsford, Colchester, and Brentwood. If you would like to come and see me, please get in touch with my assistant, Olivia on 07958 203 274

By Gemma Bailey
https://www.essexchildtherapy.nlp4kids.org/bookings